At about this time last year, no less than three of my friends texted me with "hugs" and "thinking of you" as the Kid was getting ready to start kindergarten. I was grateful for their good wishes, but they weren't really necessary.
The Kid was staying in the same class he'd been in for the previous two years, and...well, it just wasn't a big deal. I was even a tiny bit smug, to be honest. "Hey world! Look at how wise and unflappable I am!"
Yeah. About that.
This year the Kid's going to first grade--new school, new friends, new way of doing things. And me? I am feeling ALL OF THE FEELS.
It's not just the new school. (Although, I'll admit, that's a good part of it.)
It's also that, at the beginning of this summer, his goal was to jump off the low diving board by August, and I wasn't sure if he'd be able to do it. And last Sunday he went off the high dive like it was nothing.
It's that all of a sudden he cares about his hair and his clothes. It's the new way I catch him being crazy patient with his sister. (Sometimes. More often than I would expect. She is very, very two right now, so even a little counts for a lot.) It's how the small tasks that used to frustrate him are now easy and routine.
It's like someone hit fast-forward on my first-born baby's life this summer.
And I know that there are places in child growth where that happens. There are some phases that take for-ever and some that whoosh by. He'll slow down again soon.
And I'm grateful. Blessed. All of the proud/happy things.
But I'm also terrified that I'm going to wake up tomorrow morning and find he's packing for college.
And I'm daily fighting the urge to scoop him up in my arms and snuggle him like I did when he was a baby.
And I'm trying to stuff down my own feelings--at least a little bit--to give him space to have his own.
And, perhaps in consequence of all that, I am stress eating.
And over-mothering, hardcore.
("You want cupcakes for the last day at your old school? OK, no problem. Oh, you want the fancy ones? Umm...sure! Oh, some of them have to be gluten-free? I can do that! [This is why I don't bake.] Dairy free, too? TOTALLY! [OMG! I'm gonna kill someone else's kid.] With plastic bugs on top? [Where-the-eff do you even get those on 24 hours notice? It's not like it's Halloween.] ABSOLUTELY! I AM SUPERMOM!")
Which is exhausting, on top of everything else.
Like I said, ALL OF THE FEELS.
One thing I am crystal-clear-eyed happy about, however, is that--in the little break between old school and new--we are going to have a good, old-fashioned, slowed-down family adventure--a long promised train trip, cross-country to grandpa's house.
I will, of course, regale you all with the tale here, eventually, but feel free to join along with us on the Instagrams, as well. In addition to my personal account, I will also be doing a super-fun takeover of the Lottie dolls account for the week. (I am ridiculously excited about this. That is all.)
Otherwise, have a nice weekend and see you on the other side. I'm off to have a good cathartic cry over some baby photo albums...or tie a brick to my child's head...or, more likely, cheer him on and help him learn to tuck his chin so that he can do flips off the damn diving board.