I've never really been conflicted about my birthday before. People send you cards and presents, take you to dinner, participate in your choice of activity--what's not to love?
But this year I'm a little....ambivalent.
In general lately I'm kind of on a see-saw. There are days (and they are most days) that I really love my life just-as-it-is, right-in-this-moment. After all, I've got the guy, I've got the job, I've got the puppies. And then there are days where it's like, "How the hell am I only here?" Days where I wonder, "When am I going to really become the person I'm supposed to grow-up to be?"
It's like, when I was Sweet Sister's age, I thought that by the time I was thirty I'd basically be where I was going to be for the whole mid-life portion of my life. But now that I'm getting close to that, I've realized that my picture of that person is not all that much clearer to me now than it was when I was ten. Sure, a few more of the big details have been filled in, but there's still so much to be worked out.
And the part of me that's loving every moment as it comes is very excited about that--all those new things to discover and learn. But the part of me that's impatiently waiting for the next moment is exhausted and whining, "Why aren't we there yet?"
Eh, I think everyone has those thoughts at one time or another. Fortunately, wine helps. So do friends. And this weekend my lovely friends (acceding to my birthday prerogative to chose the activity) accompanied me on a very nice little Northeast Kansas wine tasting tour.
Perhaps surprisingly, there are roughly six small wineries in my area. We hit three--Holyfield, Bluejacket Crossing, and Davenport--which fit well into the space of a few hours. We've been to Holyfield before, so I knew they had a few nice wines, but I also enjoyed Davenport. They have some fruit wines (apple, watermelon, and rhubarb) that were fun. Bluejacket's wines were a little too sweet for me, but they had one that was really grapefruity, which my pals all loved.
I didn't take many pictures, but there are a few here.