Yeah, these are pants. Or they became pants once I ripped out two seams and sewed them correctly.
Unfortunately, then they were a size too small.
Lesson: Trying to sew while you are pissed off at Crazy Family Member? Not so much.
Thankfully, I think perhaps I have at-least-for-now made peace with the fact that Crazy Family Member need not effect me. And I have enough fabric left to try the pants again next weekend.