Mom says she is against torture, no matter what the circumstances. Why then, tell me please, does she think it's ok to torture my toys?
They like to be dirty and muddy. They like to lay outside and fade in the sun. They just want to be happy and free.
But they can't be, 'cause Mom has to bring them inside and put them in the washing box. It's like boiling them alive! And when they come out, all their grime and good smells are gone--it's tragic, I tell you!
Don't worry, my toys--although I can't save you now, I will liberate you back to the outside just as soon as Mom isn't looking!
And then I'll chew your legs off!