You Have the Right to Remain Silent [Toddler Edition]


[Thank you all for being so nice on Friday.  That post made me nervous to hit "publish" on, but the resulting e-love was just what I needed.  And now for some lighter fare!]

If I could give the masses only one bit of criminal legal advice, it would be to shut-the-heck-up when you're being questioned by police.  Yes, you might be able to explain things away.  Sure, there could be plenty of good reasons to confess if you've really done wrong.  But it's always, always, always better to run it by a lawyer who's on your side first.  No really.  Always.

Turns out that perhaps I should be spreading that nugget of 5th Amendment advice closer to home.  A few excerpts from my child's failure to exercise his right to remain silent....

On the way home from school the other day, as he revealed his dastardly plot for later that evening.

The Kid: Maybe Nice Babysitter and I can pick out a movie to watch tonight.

Me: Bub, you know the rules.  No TV on school nights.

The Kid: But Nice Babysitter doesn't know that rule.

And prepping dinner one night last week, as he ratted out his co-conspirator.

The Kid: Can I have one of those barbecue chips?

Me: Huh?  What chips are you talking about?

The Kid: The ones Dad and I ate before breakfast the other day.

And--again, inadvertently snitching on a friend--as I walked in the house Saturday afternoon, to him standing in the middle of the floor and Sweet Husband cleaning up Moe's fourth(?) diarrhea episode in 24 hours.  (Moe's discovered the compost bins.)

The Kid: Mom, there's dog shit all over the floor!

Me: Honey, can you say dog poop, please?

The Kid (seriously concerned that I was misunderstanding): But Mommy, it's dog shit!  It's dog shit ALL OVER the floor! 

At which point, this particular officer had to cease the interview and adjourn to the kitchen for some very inappropriate gut-busting laughter.