So, I think we have a childcare plan. And by that I mean, we have chosen where we'd like the Small Man to go for daycare and applied and sent them money and all of that. Which means we're at least more committed than we were yesterday.
I was surprised at how much making this decision stressed me out. Like, crying-my-eyes-out stress. It's actually about the most illogical emotion I've ever had in my life, and it was made all the more stressful because I couldn't (and can't) identify where it's coming from.
Even setting the tricky financial bits that would ensue aside, it's not like I don't want to go back to work after the baby is born. I can't imagine not doing this job. Even on crappy days, I love the feeling of being able to help people who so badly need it, and I don't have any inkling of giving that up. Plus, I'd be the world's crappiest stay-at-home mom--I'd never get out of my pj's and Sweet Husband would have to remind me to take showers.
And it's not like I'm afraid of daycares. I've read more than my fair share of child-abuse-at-daycare cases, but I've also worked in childcare a bit too. Although everyone has good days and bad days, I truly believe most people are basically well-intentioned and want the children in their charge to be safe and happy. (And frankly, even if the kid stayed home with one of us full-time, we have good days and bad days too--no one can be sunshine and light all the time.)
And it's not that I didn't like the places we looked at. Of course, there were a few that "felt" better than others, but there wasn't one where I was afraid our kiddo wouldn't be safe and well taken care of.
Really, if I had to nail it down, I guess it just felt like an overwhelmingly important decision. Just really big.
But--after logically talking it through many, many times--it all came down to two pretty clear paths we could take.
Choice A was a beautiful, but expensive, Montessori daycare. Literally, I got warm fuzzies walking into the place, but it was going to cost more than our mortgage.
Choice B--which was the ultimate winner--was less warm-fuzzy, but still well within the realm of acceptable. It had a place for even the babies to go outside on nice days. The director was professional, yet warm enough that she didn't intimidate me. (As opposed to sweet-but-flaky, or--on the other end of the spectrum--scary-business-like.) And the people in the baby room were also both nice and experienced. (Can you tell it's making me feel better to list this all out?) Also, the lower price tag meant that Sweet Husband and I would get to spend significantly more time with the kiddo ourselves....which ended up being the major tipping point. 'Cause really, what's the point in having a kid if you never get to see him, yes?
I can't say that I'm not still a little...fragile...about it all. (Perhaps the real culprit behind all of this angst is raging pregnancy hormones.) But it does feel a lot better to have at least decided.
Now, on to more fun choices...like, do we need this for the wall in the baby's room?