Moe Speaks: The Rules of the Kid


Mom says she hopes that someday the Kid will be my best bud.  I'm hoping this is child protective services appropriate code for "ball throwing slave".  

Right now though, there are all sorts of rules that I have to follow if I want to be around him. 

For starters, I'm not allowed to chew on his toys.  I don't understand the reason for this rule at all.  I mean, he chews on his toys--why can't I?

Also, while I'm allowed to sniff him or lick him sometimes, none of his body parts are allowed in my mouth.  In fact, no human body parts are allowed in my mouth, ever again!  I used to love rough housing with Dad, and, of course, I know to never bite down--I only mouth his hand a little.  But Mom said even that isn't allowed anymore.

Last--the most important rule--no sitting or standing on the baby.  Mom says I may lay next to him if I'm calm and good.  But, tell me, how on earth am I ever going to train him up to be my slave if he doesn't learn from the start that his proper place is under my paws?