Moe Speaks: You've Gotta Get Yourself One of These!

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Oh holy bejeezus--would you check this out?  It's hard to tell because Mom cuts all his food into training treat size pieces, but that's not boring cereal or rice puffs--that's a bona fide grilled ham and cheese sandwich.  A HAM AND CHEESE SANDWICH!

And he loves feeding it to me too.  He thinks it's the greatest game.

Mom and Dad have been trying to stop him, but the two of them are hard-pressed to out-wit his grins and my dastardly intelligence.

Moe Speaks: Seeking Legal Assistance

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Do you see that?  It's photographic evidence that my property has been...converted!  Unlawfully converted!
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Those squeaky toys may have technically entered the house in the Kid's Easter basket, but they were obviously just tucked in there as a means to conveniently convey them to me.  Pursuant to the customary terms of our unwritten family contact, all squeaky toys and small rubber objects that enter the house are the sole property of the terrier...fee simple absolute...and stuff....

This thievery cannot be tolerated in a civilized society.  Yes, that's what it is--thievery!  I think I need a criminal attorney, in fact.  Actually, I think that's what Mom does when she's not busy being my slave, maybe I should ask her advice....
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Scratch that.  She obviously has a conflict of interest.

Moe Speaks: The Rules of the Kid

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Mom says she hopes that someday the Kid will be my best bud.  I'm hoping this is child protective services appropriate code for "ball throwing slave".  

Right now though, there are all sorts of rules that I have to follow if I want to be around him. 

For starters, I'm not allowed to chew on his toys.  I don't understand the reason for this rule at all.  I mean, he chews on his toys--why can't I?

Also, while I'm allowed to sniff him or lick him sometimes, none of his body parts are allowed in my mouth.  In fact, no human body parts are allowed in my mouth, ever again!  I used to love rough housing with Dad, and, of course, I know to never bite down--I only mouth his hand a little.  But Mom said even that isn't allowed anymore.

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Last--the most important rule--no sitting or standing on the baby.  Mom says I may lay next to him if I'm calm and good.  But, tell me, how on earth am I ever going to train him up to be my slave if he doesn't learn from the start that his proper place is under my paws?